Today was an obnoxious day at work. Everybody needed something. Like, yesterday. But oddly enough, it ended on a really high note when I walked out of the office singing Tiny Dancer for no apparent reason and seriously contemplating a pizza.
I ruined a great piece of clothing. I caught the bus right as I made it to the stop. I discovered some new jams that really made dancing in my underwear in the livingroom new again. So on the whole, it was a pretty great day.
Now I’m ordering an unspecified amount of penis paraphernalia for a bachelorette party this weekend.
Last night I dreamed I was losing my teeth. If you know anything about dreams you know this one’s the really important one. It signals great changes to come, specifically fear of losing something you’ve grown particularly attached to. There’s been a lot cooking lately, too.
Lots I was unsure of how to write about until I watched unicycle practice (no joke) at the bus stop. Soheregoes in no particular order:
1. I love my job. I love the institution I work for. I love that it’s quasi-abusive and borderline insane. As a friend once said about another friend, “the bitch loves it.” Yes, yes I do. It’s going to take a crowbar to get me to even think about leaving for a while.
2. I love where I live. It’s small. I’m kind of running out of places to run. It could be called Chicago’s little sister, but anyone who comes here to stay knows that that’s thefurthest thing from the truth.
3. I am entagled with a man. Depending on how much you know, you could say this is a bad thing or a good thing. Either way, I think it’s a pretty great thing. With one exception. He lives in Colorado. I live here. So we’ll just see what happens with that.
4. I need to do more than just work and run. I’ve been doing too much of that lately. I need to get mean about Spanish, about writing, about research and learning. This laziness will not stand! Not because I’m lazy, but because I’m bored. I’m comfortable. And when I’m bored and comfortable I just make more messes of things. I’m really super tired of that.
5. This is not a test. There are no right answers. Just right now answers. That includes everything from what I want to wear to what I want to invest my money in. Recognizing this and accepting it has been particularly difficult because in general, your whole life you’re raised to believe two things: there are always right and wrong answers AND you can do whatever you want with your life. Largely, answers come on a spectrum. You don’t know they’re right until they’re right and you don’t know they’re wrong until they’re wrong. Either way you don’t know until you commit. And you can’t do whatever you want because we all need health insurance.
I’m writing all this in brief so my little following of lovers and sworn enemies get the high-level overview but really, these are monumental things that have surfaced over the course of the summer. Truthfully, I’m pretty exhausted from all these revelations and growing pains and adulthood lessons. But the second I check out, I’m a dead woman — literally and figuratively. So, I better buckle the fuck up.
Grab your helmets and join me for a drink. The pizza will probably happen later at Allium while I work on my creative writing a little. There’s a backlog there that’s been globbing up the works.