If this year had a theme: Flux

Wow. What an intense weekend! Running 20 miles (my whole body wants to just curl up in a corner and slumber). The Komen event that I’d been planning for about a month went well (from what I can tell). KP’s bachelorette party was extremely successful. Laundry is folded. Groceries were fetched. I haven’t been this physically exhausted in quite some time. A lot of change has happened this year, now as we’re downshifting into the change of fall, I don’t know if I’m ready for it. I’m not ready to let summer go.

Found in the laundry room: Wired magazine from May. Their 20th anniversary edition.

As I’m paging through it there are so many pieces of information that i’m turning over. I feel engaged; I can feel the connections and the ideas and the brainstorming happening naturally! User experience! Interfacing! how people interact with objects in their world!

It clicked (again) that this is something I’m naturally passionate about; making connections. I do it with conversations. I did it with journalism. I do it with writing (now and in 5th grade). I’m now doing it through products and event promotions but I’m looking for something that’s more meaningful.

Problem: I don’t know what that White Whale is! (Hat Tip to Miss Arizona for the Moby Dick reference) MY EYES FOR KNOWING WHAT THAT THING IS! I HAVE NO IDEA! I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START! I CAN’T HAVE ANYONE ELSE ANSWER THIS QUESTION FOR ME! OH MY GOD IT’S INFURIATING.

Mostly so because I’m not a patient person. Mostly because I’m bad at making decisions in the sense that I make them and then think about it way too much. I’m just wired this way. But as I ruminated last week, this isn’t a test. I can always start over! So why is starting over so goddamn difficult!?

It’s no longer impossible or unheard of to do everything you love. It’s no longer ridiculous to think something you love could never be more than a hobby. So why is it so impossible for me to accept this? Perhaps it’s because I don’t know what I’m passionate about? I think that’s an inaccurate statement, it’s just more abstract than something you’d read on a diploma; like Advertising, Finance or Arts.

I care about people. I care about connections. I care about community growth. I care about knowledge sharing. I care about being uncomfortable for the sake of being better to the world. I care about health and wellness and emotional strength. I care about how people interact with the world and each other.

Now, I just have to figure out how to make the connection between myself and my passion. Easy.

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